I want to run away from home. Usually when I feel this way it’s because husband and I have had a fight, I want to load up our car with my stuff and the dogs and go home. But this time I want all 4 of us (Husband, me and the two dogs) to escape together. I want him to get transferred so that we have to move. At this point I’d even accept a move to a foreign country. I want out of this life and into a new one.

Do I particularly think it will solve our problems? No, not really. I think that a permanent change of scenery would benefit us both. This is the house that husband’s kid lived in when he visited us every other weekend (or EOWE, in stepparenting lingo), this is the house where we spent days painting his room so he’d say “WOW” when he saw it for the first time. (He did and I was there to witness it). But now, the house is just full of ghosts. The kid’s room is half converted to an ersatz home gym (treadmill and Wii Fit) but it’s like he’s still there. And my home office (ha! ever since I bought the laptop I haven’t been in that room for more than a half hour) was where the baby was supposed to go. I had a little mockup of the nursery on my old laptop. Crib there, changing table/bureau over there, book case next to the rocking chair, cheerful themed artwork on that wall.

(I have a $300 stroller and a capsule Gymboree wardrobe but no child to enjoy any of it).

There are ghosts in this house and I want to escape them. I want to wake up tomorrow, look out the window and see something other than our town. Ideally (albeit foolishly) I’d like to live in the Asian city we visited last year. I guess it was an ideal situation because I didn’t have to do any work and we lived in a hotel room. Any fool can make that awesome. It would probably be worse to live in a country where you don’t speak the language (well, I can hail a cab – “teksi!”). At this point, I’d live anywhere just to roll the dice and give us another chance at happiness.


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